My Mother's Love

Mother's Day never really meant that much to me before I became a mother. I mean, Yes, I gave my mom a gift and thanked her for everything she did for me, but I never truly appreciated her until I looked into the eyes of my own children.

I can not fully express gratitude to my mom on this Mother's Day weekend until I share with you the path I traveled to get to where I am as a mother myself. So please, bare with me.

Today, May 6th, marks five years since I had my first miscarriage.  I was exactly 8 weeks along.  This day, five years ago, was probably the most devastating day of my entire life. Not just because I lost a baby, and was disappointed. This was the day that I realized what it was to be a mom.

Now, you might argue with me on this, and that is fine. We are all entitle to our beliefs of fetuses and what not. And so today and only today I will share with you my opinion on how I learned to appreciate my mom.

On this day, I watched as my dream of meeting my child was ripped from me.  My baby, was gone...in heaven...waiting to meet me someday. My mom picked me up off of that ultrasound table, took me home, and made me a ham sandwich while I lay in my daddy's recliner and cried. She held me, and soothed me. She helped me mourn my loss. I knew she was the only person in the world that knew my pain. Because I was her daughter, and when I hurt...she hurt.

After this day, I went on to suffer yet another miscarriage, followed by one year of infertility. This is where God stepped in to teach me my lesson. He brought me to a passage in the bible that told of the young woman named Hannah, who wanted a child more than anything else in the world. She went to the temple to pray, and while she was there, her prayer became so passionate and so honest that she spake with her heart and not her mouth. I believe Hannah's heart was so broken that the words could not escape her, and so she cried out with her heart instead. She made a vow to God that if he would only give her a child, that she would give him back to serve him all of the day's of his life. God granted her wish, and she went away no longer troubled. And of course, God answered her prayer. 

So, I decided to be like Hannah, and one day I told my mom, that I had prayed to God, and asked him if he would only grant me a child that I would raise him to love and honor him all the days of his life.  Instead, God blessed me with TWO wonderful babies. And he honors our agreement even to this day. Even when I waiver, he is faithful to forgive me.

And that brings me to now.  On this day, when I think of those two babies I never met, yet still love. I realize how very much my mom loves me. You can never know this love until you are indeed a mom (or dad). So I don't need to ask her, " Mom, how much do you love me?" I already know.

She loved me before she knew me.  Even before I existed. She would die for me. She strives for my happiness. When I am sad, she is sad. When I hurt, she hurts. She loves me more than anyone can ever imagine.

I know this because I love my kids exactly the same. (Thanks to her)

So, thank you mom. For loving me in spite of myself. For holding me while I;ve cried, even as an adult. Thank you for loving me more and deeper than anyone else on this earth ever could. Your life has been devoted to me since the day I was born. And I love you for everything you have ever done.
Happy Mother's Day.