Never Give Up On Me....

When I was 9 years old, I gave my heart to Jesus. One night, after a church service, I knelt at my parents bed and gave my life to Him. All I remember was crying and watching the tears hit the bed rails while my daddy prayed for me. I have since then wrestled with that moment asking myself if God really saved me at that moment. I don't remember saying anything, all I remember were my tears.

The thing about the devil is, he works through our weaknesses. He thrives in our failure. He destroys all things good. He is at the center of all things evil. He will drive a wedge between man and God if he can. He can produce fear in the heart of any christian. He has brought down even the greatest men of God. The devil is a foe that we should never underestimate. He can steel everything from us if we let him.

I have love the Lord my entire life. My mom and dad have been taking me to church since I was one. I have always wanted to sing and uplift his name. And then it happened. I can't really tell you exactly how. All I know is, one trial happened after another and another and another. And one day, I looked in the mirror and all I could see was an angry, disappointed, alone little girl looking back at me.

First I miscarried my first baby, then the next baby, and then I went through an entire year of infertility. And just when I thought it was getting better, (When i got pregnant with Caleb and was able to carry him) we found out my dad had cancer. The day I sat in that Doctor's office, and listened to a man hand my dad a death sentence, was the day I dropped my cross...

I had never been so heartbroken in my entire life. I saw no hope. Anywhere. I have never been the same since that day. It's almost as if I have lost my way, and I just don't know my way back. I know Jesus is still there for me, I feel him comforting me when I cry. Even as I write this, as I cry, I can feel him with me. But I am not the same little girl who loved Jesus without question. Now all I seem to do is question. I have lost my fire. I have lost my fight.

If ever I have needed prayer, this would be the time. I can not raise my children to truly serve the Lord if I can not lead by example. I can  not let the devil win.

Today of all days is the hardest. It's been two years today since my daddy left us. And still all I can remember are my tears...

Song from the movie "Facing the Giants"
Never Give Up On Me


Time after time you've been left behind,
Like the sun when It's starting to rain.
Time after time, you've been forgotten
Like a picture that's faded with age
Time after time you ran after me when I was still running away.

But you never give up on me,
no you never give up on me,
Though I'm weak you are strong
You told me I still belong
No you never, never give up on me.

Time after time I've used your grace
As a way to do what I please
Taken for granted prayers that you've answered
And Never been all i could be
You are holding our your hand,
And now I clearly see.

You never give up on me
No you never give up on me
thought I'm weak you are strong
You told me I still belong
No you never never give up on me.

You always erase, all my mistakes,
You pick me up when I'm down,
Through all the ages,
Your love never changes,
 You welcome me just as I am.