When God Says Speak...

    My heart has been especially heavy today.  God has all the sudden laid upon my heart a person that I haven't been close to for several years now.  This person is struggling, and they really and truly need God's hand.  They need God to step in and move in their situation.  My heart aches for this person.  They were my friend.  They once sat with me in a dark hallway as I sobbed uncontrollably after finding out that I had miscarried a second time.  They hugged me tightly as I greeted visitors at my dad's wake.  They were a strong constant in my life and they never let me down.
    And today, they're alone...and they're broken....and I can't help them.

    So today, as I was pondering on all this.  I was thinking about this person, and what I could do for them.  I was thinking about what I could do besides pray for them.  What I want to do is go to where this person is and show them some compassion.  As I was thinking about this person, and what I would say to them if I could, God spoke to me...
    God said, "Someone somewhere needs to hear what you're thinking.  What you and I are talking about....someone somewhere needs to hear this.  You need to say what I'm telling you to say."

What God is telling me to say is this:

    Somewhere, someone is sitting alone, and you are broken and you are empty and you've taken yourself as far as you can go, and right about now you're realizing that you have hit rock bottom.  Right about now, you are realizing that there's no place else to go.  And right now, Satan is sitting next to you and he's telling you that this is it.  You are done.  This is your life, for the rest of your life, and then you'll die.  And maybe, just maybe, you're thinking that that would be okay, because dying kind of seems like it would be better than where you are right now.  But I promise you that you are not too far gone.  Because there's someone else there with you right now, and HE is greater than Satan and he loves you, and I promise you there is absolutely no place that his love can't reach.
     He wants you to reach out to him.  He wants you to give your life to him.  If you've never known him, he wants to know you.  And if you've known him but strayed away...he wants you back.  And He is willing to fight this battle that you're facing right now.  He is wanting you to trust this to him.  All you have to do is ask him to.  He wants to take over your situation.
    Don't let Satan take your life from you anymore.  Let today be the very last day that you do this alone.  Let today be the first day of the rest of your life with Jesus.  He wants to be your protector.  He doesn't care what you've done or where you've been or even what you're doing right now.  He cares that you need him, and he will be there for you.  He will come right to where you are.  All you have to do is open your heart to him and the possibility of his love in your life.  Oh friend....how he will change your situation.  How he will break your chains and take your pain and make a way for you.  He will wake you up and he will open your eyes and he will free you of your burdens, and it will be so much better than where you are right now.  And I promise, you will never regret turning to him.  I promise, he will never leave you...he will never ever let you down as long as you lean on him.
    Today is the day that you decide whom you will serve.  Today is the day.
    How do I know all this?? How could I possibly understand what you're going through?  I've never been through anything compared to what you are facing right now.  Your heart is broken and you are alone and nobody understands.  And all of that is probably true.  I've never been on drugs.  I've never lost anyone to addiction.  I've never contemplated suicide.  I've never been abused or molested.  I've never been raped.  I've never lived on the streets.  I've never been thinking about abortion.  I've never watched my parents use drugs or beat one another.  I've never wondered where my next meal would come from.  Truthfully, I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, but God does.  He will meet you in whatever mess you're in.  He will love you no matter where you are...or what decision you've made, and it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks about anything.  The only person that matters is you, and your relationship with a man who can change everything for you.  There is no place he wouldn't go to get to you.  Just call out his name, and let him in.

Dear God,
    Please take my words and place them in the heart of someone who needs them. Bless anyone who reads this and feels your love in their hearts.  Bless those who need you, Lord.  Be near them Lord, and hear them when they call.  Raise them up Lord, and intervene in their lives and situations Lord.  Heal their hearts and strengthen their spirits.  I ask all these things in Your name, heavenly Father.  Allow my words to only Glorify you and no one else.  
   Lord, Thank you for my salvation.  But more than that, thank you for meeting me in the messes that I've made through out my life.  Thank you for intervening when I did not deserve it, and thank you for keeping me hid in the rock.  You are my hope and my salvation, and I know that I am nothing without you.

Praise your name,
Amen   


 

The Newsboys Concert and Learning From My Children....

           There are days in my life as a mother that I spend all of my time teaching my children.  Instructing them to do or not do certain things.  Be careful.  Don't be mean to your brother/sister.  Watch your temper.  Be kind to one another.  Hey, don't touch that...it's hot.  Don't run with that, you'll jam it in your eye.  Don't squeeze the cat she'll scratch you.  That's enough screen time, go do something constructive.  Help me set the table.  I could literally go on all day about all the things I say to my children in a day trying to teach them to be a good person and not be an inconsiderate mean spirited person.

            

           Moreover, I spend even more time in my day preaching at them.  Your sibling is the best friend you have in this world...love them...don't be mean to them.  Pray for others...don't judge them.  If someone wrongs you...love them anyway.  Just because someone else does something you know is wrong, doesn't mean it's okay for you to do that something.  Again, all day long.

           There are things that I remember my mom teaching me.   A lot of things were very similar to what I say.  I was an only child, so I didn't hear a lot of things about being mean to other people.  The one thing I do remember my mom doing is quoting bible scripture to me.  One in particular, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh".  Those were her exact words.  And it was mostly in reference to a song or television show that I was listening or watching.  I would usually roll my eyes and think, "Geez Loiuse, she needs new material."  But if her intent was to ingrain that into my heart and spirit, she succeeded.  When I hear someone speaking hatefully or heartlessly, I think to myself, "They must be putting black tar into their hearts, and that makes them act that way...out of the abundance of the heart..."

          Some days, I wonder if she ever wondered if she was making a difference.  If her words were sinking in...or if they were just going 'in one ear and out the other'.  On days when my children have tested every breath of my patience and I just about had all that I can take, I wonder...."Is anything I am saying at ALL sinking in to their brains?  DO they have brains?? or Did they knock them out while pummeling one another?  I whisper, "Lord, do you see me down here??? I'm screwing this up!! Little help down here would be great, thanks."

          Our youth choir went to a Newsboys concert over the weekend.  They're a contemporary christian group that sings a song called God's NOT Dead.  There's also a movie franchise based on the song.  Our youth loves having movie nights and watching these christian movies, and they also LOVE the Newsboys.  As a reward for a summer of fund raising for a sound system for our church, we decided to take them all to their concert.

          Saturday, roughly thirty of us made our way to Lexington, KY to see our concert, leaving early enough so that we could stop each hour, stretch our legs, fellowship, and eat before.  When we arrived, we were pleased to find that the seats were first come, first serve, and we found seats fairly close to the stage and settled in.  The concert, (my first ever, and most of the kids first as well) was amazing.  So uplifting.  Everyone there was there to serve and praise the Lord.  Our children were on their feet with their hands in the air praising God.  Dancing and singing.  The spirit was so sweet in that place, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life.  Roughly 2,000 people in attendance, everyone worshipping the Lord, but everyone worshipping differently.  

        Toward the end of the opening acts, and just before the Newsboys came on stage, a man stepped out to tell about a cause that they sponsored through the concert.  A project called childfund.org.  In this project, you sponsor a child in a povertied area such as Uganda.  You write that child letters and they write letters to you.  You pay 33.00 a month, and that amount of money covers medications, food and water for that child for the entire month.  The man went on to testify about how he had sponsored a child when he was younger and it had lead him to go on a mission trip to Africa where he met and adopted two children, one of which was placed into a garbage bag and dropped off at one of the mission sights nearly dead.  

  

         He told his children's story, and showed us pictures of them when he met them and pictures of them now, growing and thriving at home with him and his wife.  I have to admit, when I saw it all, it warmed my heart for the man, but I had no desire to sponsor a child myself, mostly because it had always been pounded into my head that charity starts at home, and it should.  But I think also, charity should go where God places it on your heart to send it.  Finally, the man says, "if you would like to sponsor a child, please raise your hand, and someone will bring a form to fill out."

        Immediately several of our children in the youth raised up their hands.  One child was crying.  Both of my children looked back at me with sad eyes and furrowed brows, and that was when I felt it.  The tug....God was placing it on these children's hearts to help.  Our youth sponsored a little girl that night the same age as Carley.  She lives in a home in Africa that was converted to Christian by missionaries.  The family does struggle to survive, and so we will be helping with her care and checking in on her.  We will write her letters and each child from our youth will set aside 67 cents a week for her.  

        That night...my children taught me something.  God does not care what country you are from...he loves you...and if you need taken care of and you belong to him...he will send someone to take care of you.  He laid it upon our children's hearts to help someone. 

What love...what amazing love....

Love that can only be given after having experienced it yourself...

We can never give that kind of love without first knowing it...

And the greatest love there is in this world is the love that Jesus showed when he gave everything for me. 

That day, I didn't need to ask myself if my children were paying attention when I said, "Love other people".  I knew they were.  I had to look up and say, "Thank you God.  I guess I'm not screwing this up as much as I thought I was."  

Matthew 19:14King James Version (KJV)

14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

On Becoming A Mother To A Young Christian...

         It's been a very long time since I've felt the need to put into words the things that have been happening in my family's lives.  We've gone through so many changes over the last year or so.  And I have been struggling greatly with what exactly God wants with me.  What is my purpose in his kingdom?  Who am I?  These are the questions I've been asking myself.  There comes a time in every one's lives when they have to look at what they were raised to believe, and decide if in fact they truly believe it...Do they believe it because they were told to??? or because they know in their heart of hearts that it's right and true.
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When I started blogging, the purpose was mainly for my children.  I wanted them to look back one day when I was gone and see how much I loved them.  I wanted them to see that I almost never had it together, and that it is okay to not have all the answers as an adult.  Now, I think, I mainly want them to see how when I didn't have all the answers that I tried really hard to just trust in God to lead me in the path that I should go.  And sometimes God has to DRAG me in the way that I should go to get me there.  If I can save them from some of that nonsense, that would be great.

         

The only time I've ever really questioned if God loved me was after my second miscarriage.  It had probably been about 6 months after my miscarriage, and I still hadn't got pregnant, and I was struggling.  I kept thinking, "What is wrong with me?  What did I do to make God hate me so much that he would take away the one thing I want most in this world?"  

I would drive to work, and I would pray and cry and think about Samuel's mother, Hannah, from the bible.  I would think about how she prayed so hard for a son, and God answered her prayer.  But, she made a covenant with the Lord, that if he'd give her a son, she would give him back to God when he became of age.  So I thought, if Hannah can do it, so can I...so one day in the car while driving to work, I began to pray.  I prayed for God to give me a son,  a strong willed son,  with a kind and tender heart.  I asked God to give him all the best qualities of myself, my husband, and both our parents.  I asked him to raise him up a great man of God, and that when the time came for him to accept Jesus as his saviour, that he would do so easily and wholeheartedly.  And then I promised God that when the time came, I would give him back to him, a servant of the Lord.  And like Hannah, I changed my countenance and was no more sad.  (1st Samuel 1:17-18)

And it wasn't very long after that, that God gave us Caleb.  And he was everything we could have hoped for.

For the last few years, as a whole, our family has been headed in a direction that was opposite from what God wanted for our lives.  We were following our own wants....our own desires....and working selfishly against each other day after day until we finally found ourselves at a breaking point.  At that point, all I could do was pray, "Lord, please help us.".  I didn't know what I was asking for.  I had no idea how God was about to move in our lives.  I had no clue the plans that he had in store for us.  But, I was about to find out.  

I believe with all my heart, that in the very second that I asked God to help us, he began to move.  He began making plans for us.  And our lives began to change.  

We kept fighting.

I kept praying...

I kept asking God to show me what I needed, and what our family needed.  And then I started praying for Daniel.  Not for him to be better or different....I began praying for him to find his way...to be happy...to be whole...to seek God's face...and to love God more than he loved me.  (That was a tough one).   In the same instance, I started trying to do all those things myself.  (Again, it was hard to do)

We were befriended by a couple through our son's boy scout troop, and they eventually invited us to their church.  Bull Creek Baptist Church...

Churches like this one are nearly extinct today.  Back in the holler...away from everything.  No cell phones, no traffic, nothing to distract.  Just God and his people.  There's something so sacred about a church deep in the woods.  It's like the entire world is at war all around us, but when we walk through those doors...for just a little while...nothing else matters.  

I knew I was home the second I walked through the door.  Being there didn't make me tired or drained.  I may have fought both kids tooth and nail right up until we'd walked through the doors, but once we got there, it was like my strength was renewed and I was ready to serve the Lord.  

Even more than that, I saw a change in my life.  My kids began to sit up and listen to the words that were spoken.  My oldest son Caleb began to ask questions about Salvation and take notice in the difference he was seeing in the people that we were interacting with.  And my husband began to step up and lead our family.  Our family was changing...the dynamic was changing...it was like someone was sailing the boat instead of us.  And someone was.

That was when I began asking God what my purpose was.  What was I supposed to be doing to serve him.  I could sing.  Okay, I'll sing.  I play the piano a little bit... okay...I'll play the piano.  But I just kept wondering,  what is my purpose?  And that's when God reminded me of the promise that I'd made to him.  To give Caleb back to him when the time came.  And I knew right then that it was time to put my children into God's hands.  

I didn't know at the time what exactly that meant, but I started preparing myself for it.  I knew that it wouldn't be long before God showed me what I was supposed to do.  And I got my answer one morning as we I was driving the kids to school.  It was a typical morning until Caleb looked up at me and said, "Mom, I don't want to go to hell."

It was as if someone had punched me in the gut.  Caleb was only 7 years old.  I had never talked to him about hell before.  We talked mostly about God's love to our kids.  But all the sudden, my child was telling me that he knew there was a hell, and that he didn't want to go there.  

Over the next few weeks, more questions began to come as Caleb worked through the plan of Salvation for himself.  And one night during a youth gathering of our church, he gave his heart to Jesus.  And that night, just like Caleb had become a new creature through the blood of Christ, I was now a new kind of mother.  I realized that night, that my job...my purpose in God's kingdom...was to raise my children in the way that they should go.  To teach them to be strong Christians that couldn't be swayed to left or right.  To show them that serving the Lord can be a struggle, but it can also be amazing.

Suddenly, I felt like I had a new identity.  And my heart was glad because of it.  In the last 6 months, my family has changed in ways that I used to only dream about.  God is more and more present in our daily lives, and we are trusting him more and more each day.  Every day I wake up wondering what the day will bring.

If I could tell my children's future selves something right at this very moment, it would be this:

He speaks in a still small voice.
When he speaks...Answer.
He knows what's best for you.
Trust him.
He loves you so much more than you'll ever be able to understand.
Believe it.
Others are going to try to explain him away...minimize his immensity...to tell you he is not Everything...
Don't let them.
Fight them with all you have.
Love him with all you are.
Hold onto him with all of your might.
And he will never let you down.

(photo by Nancy Chambers)