A Day With My Grandma...

When I was just a little girl, I prayed a prayer for you.  I asked God to never let you die, because I would miss you if you ever left me.  I loved you so very much, and I couldn't bear the thought of not having you around.  I'm not sure why God never let me forget that little prayer I prayed for you that day, but he didn't.  And now that you're old and your mind is betraying you, and I feel a great sense of despair that my prayer has caused you pain somehow.

Your life has been so full of trouble.  You have watched so many people that you love go before you.  Your parents, your infant child, your first husband, your siblings, and then dad...Your heart has been broken with every passing, and yet it beats on within your body.  And now I can see how you feel trapped within it.

"If I could just get out of this place, and leave!" You say. "If I could just get well!"
"I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes!", "I don't know why God doesn't just take me. I wish I could just die"

But then you look at me with sad, confused eyes, and ask me where your mom went.  You wonder why my dad hasn't visited today.  Then you point out he must be busy working.  Surely he would come if he weren't working.

You cry to me like never before.  You refuse food.  You hope to die....and yet you live.

And I ask myself, "Why?  Why has God allowed your mind to be stolen away from you like this?"
Because, I can handle sickness.  I have stared death right in the eyes, and haven't even flinched as I watch a life drift into eternity.  I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that beyond this there is more.  I can handle death...although begrudgingly...I handle death.  I understand it. I could accept it.  A necessary means to an end. It would hurt me, but I could grieve.

But I can't understand this...
I can't fight this for you.
I can't watch you be stolen from me piece by piece...minute by minute...
I don't know how to help you.
So I just sit here with you.
Silently watching you.
Staring into your eyes.
Watching you stare back into mine.
Knowing that this is all I can do.

Tears roll down your face as you look into my eyes.
"I just want to go home."
I hear the desperation in your voice.
 "I just pray sometimes, to go home."
And suddenly I'm praying too...
For your mind to find clarity.
For your heart to be unbroken.
For you to get to go home.

 

Fireman's 4th of July Festival

It rained yesterday, but that didn't stop my little family from enjoying our day. Here are some great pictures of the Fireman's 4th Festival!!

This was actually July 3rd, during the firemen's competition. I missed most of it because I had to work.  But I did catch the part where my husband, Daniel, and his brothers pulled their firetruck across a parking lot. FOR FUN!!! (Weirdos) That's my man in the middle.  He's SO MANLY! 

Despite the rain, the parade went on as scheduled.  Although it was a little wet and chilly, the kids seemed to have lots of fun.

My husband's on the fire department, but some how he ended up riding the train with the kiddos.  You take the conductor out of the rail road, but ya can't take the rail road outta the conductor I suppose. 

The funny part is how he seems to be having more fun than the passengers.

It came a pretty big rain about 7 o'clock, so everyone crowded under whatever shelter they could find.  And of course, I found a friend.  We don't see each other much because she's busy planning a wedding and a family and all that jazz, but I still love her. And aren't we just adorable!?

The fireworks went on as planned despite the rain. The finale was the best I've seen in years.  The Huntsville fire department really did a good job considering the weather.

(picture courtesy of  Miranda Strunk fellow firefighter's wife)

 And for those of you who missed it, SHAME! This is the south ya'll! Didn't you learn a thing from Luke Bryan?  RAIN IS A GOOD THANG! Ha Ha!!

(Pictures courtesy of Mehgan Daggs fellow firefighter's wife)

(Pictures courtesy of Mehgan Daggs fellow firefighter's wife)

The 4th was fun, but we can't forget the reason we were able to have all of this fun in the first place.  Never forget the one's who gave their lives for our freedom.  And the ones who fight so that we can keep it!

Happy Independence Day!!