Oceans (Where feet may fail) By: Hillsong
I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was 8 years old, and my mom was in a singing group. The group attended a singing one night. I remember sitting in the front row of this little church...bored as could be...not paying a lot of attention. My dad had to get onto me for misbehaving...and when dad got onto me...he meant business. I started to listen to the preacher, and all of the sudden, I realized I didn't want to die and go to hell.
I'd always believed in God. I'd always believed that Jesus died on the cross to save me of my sins, and that he rose again in three days. I believed that he was coming back for us someday. But in that moment...the possibility of hell was made real to me. I didn't go to the alter that night. I waited until we got home. I was anxious and upset, so I decided to just go on to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Finally, I went to my mom and said, "MOM, I need to be saved! And I need to be saved right NOW!"
My parents sat me down at their bed side, and my dad took out his bible and started explaining the plan of salvation to me. Honestly, I don't remember a thing he said. All I can remember is thinking he needed to hurry it up because I needed to get saved RIGHT NOW! Finally, when we knelt down at the bed, I remember hearing my parents praying and watching my tears hit the bed railing. My heart cried out to God that to save me...broken in two...but I never uttered a word after saying to my mom, "I need to be saved!"
That was the night I got saved.
But all my life, the devil has whispered in my ear, "What about that fact that you never said a word?", "You didn't ask!"
And I would panic, and I'd whisper a prayer, "Lord, if I'm not saved, please save me. I believe in you. I believe I'm a sinner. Lord please save me."
Once, I even told my dad about how I felt. He just said, "It happens sometimes.. The devil likes to keep us down. Use fear against us. That's how he works"
But see, God doesn't work that way. The verse says, "Whosoever will, let him come." It doesn't say "Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord, will be saved if I feel like it..." , It says, "whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord, SHALL be saved." It's not about feelings...it's about faith.
About a month ago...our church had a revival. It was really a great revival, and just like the Saviour always does...he came looking for me. The Lord had been dealing with my heart that week, and finally, I went to the alter and prayed. I went through the steps that are laid out for us. I confessed, I asked, I believed...I even got up and told the church God had saved me that night. But unlike that night when I was 8 years old at my parent's bed side, I didn't feel any better. I felt worse. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I could hardly do my job at work. I would be in the middle of a task at work and all the sudden my mind would go to that night and I would almost burst into tears.
After two days of this, I had about had all I could take. I was at work and I just broke down. I went to my car at lunch, and just bowed my head and cried. No words came out...there was no poetic prayer...it was just me and God....and my ugly cry. I finally just let it all go. And as I sat there sobbing, Hannah popped into my mind. And how she was so heartbroken when she'd prayed to the Lord in the temple that no words came except for her sobbing...and the priest thought she was drunk because she spoke but not words came from her mouth.
And I realized...he hears me...even when I can't speak...he hears me. He hears my heart. And as soon as I realized this, and believed this, my fear went away. I felt this rush of peace come over me, and I just knew that I was saved! And it didn't matter if he'd saved me at 8 years old or last month...the important thing is...I'm saved!! And nothing that I can do can change that. I believe he saved me at 8 years old...I believe that being saved has more to do with faith than words. And praise God he saw fit to come looking for me...both to save me...and to reassure me. Oh how He loves me. And I thank Him every day for my salvation story because it's mine.
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