Some days being a mom is rewarding. When your child says "Momma" for the very first time. When he or she calls you back into their room after bed time just to say, "I love you". Or when they write their name in bright green marker on your pretty white trim, but all you can see is that they wrote their name. Being a mom, is rewarding.
But some times, and more often than not, being a mom...is hard.
It's hard when you walk your child into a room full of strangers, and hand him or her off to them. It's hard to smile at them and tell them they will be fine, and you will see them soon. Making the decisions that are right for your child, even when you know that that decision might cause them pain...is hard. It's the worst part of being a parent that I have ever encountered.
When I spent those 2 years struggling to conceive a child...it never once crossed my mind how hard it would be. All I could see in that moment, was the second that I laid eyes on my child. All I could think of, was that my life was not complete without my children....one boy and one girl... I didn't know it would be this hard. And it is, EXACTLY as hard as your momma told you it would be. And it is as scary as your dad said it would be. And it is as expensive and exhausting and draining as EVERY ONE warned you it would be. Being. A. MOM. Is. HARD.....
But it is absolutely the only job I will ever care about doing as long as I live. And it is without a doubt the most fun time I will ever have. And it is hands down the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. (Even above marrying my husband, who by the way feels the exact same way, I'm sure) So, on this day, when my child is in so much pain. On this day, when I am terrified to close my eyes because they might need me. I remember that this is the job that I signed up for, and this is the life that I asked for. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Being a mom is EVERYTHING.
I know that today was so scary for you. I was a nervous wreck when the Wild Orange put that bead in her ear and had to be put under to have it extracted, and that took (literally), like, 5 minutes. I was also a nervous wreck Sunday night, because the baby caught his sisters' cold, and I've never had a child sick at two weeks of age, before. I was so afraid that he'd choke to death on all that gunk in his mouth (or that he'd throw up and choke to death) that I sat up straight as a poker most of the night and held him. And the whole time, I told myself the same sorts of things you've just written here, things like: we're all here, I wanted these children so badly, and I' so blessed to have them. What a wild ride it is, mothering, if you're fully invested.
ReplyDeleteIt's comforting to know I'm not alone. I mean if staying awake watching little person sleep all night makes you crazy, at least I'm not alone. Lol
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