Caleb Goes to School

It took me a little over 2 years to get my Caleb here.  I fasted and prayed for him.  I worked diligently, and followed the doctor's orders to a "T".  I worked hard to get him here.  I remember feeling a sense of relief when he was born.  After 2 miscarriages, I didn't trust my body to do what it was supposed to do.  Now I know that it wasn't my body I should've been focusing on, it was God's promise to work everything to my good.  

The day Caleb was born, all I really remember is holding him and thinking, "Finally. You're finally here. Welcome to my world baby boy.  You've won me, heart and soul."

Since that day, I have spent little time away from him.  At times he and I have battled it out with no sign of either of us surrendering.  We've spent time deep in conversation about dead doggies and Poppas that can't be remembered and why the moon hides from us sometimes. He has the biggest heart, and most compassion that I've ever seen in a four year old.

This morning, I watched him greet his teacher, and wave bye to me.  He's still mine, probably always will be.  But today...I'm sitting in my big chair that he and I sit in every morning feeling empty.  My baby boy is growing up...and all I can say is...."Slow down...I'm not ready."